Just remember that sometimes, the way you think about a person isn’t the way they actually are.
John Green, An Abundance of Katherines
So I’ve decided to pay £8 a month to WordPress so I can get unlimited video hosting ( OOOOH). I know it seems a lot but I’ve been wanting to find a way to make some videos and not use YouTube basically because I’m fed up with it.
Now this doesn’t mean I’m going to stop doing my collectables channel on there. I’ve put myself on a mini hiatus until I get this office sorted out with my new shelving and getting all my things sorted. I know that me not fulfilling my creative ideas come from a lack of space and everything just being a mess in here. (I’m bad at hoarding just as much as collecting) So yeah haven’t been feeling it all.
I just feel that I’ve lost faith in YouTube. I first got into watching YouTube videos way before goggle bought it where it was a community and wasn’t all about the money and how many subscribers you can have it was fun and I actually enjoyed watching videos. Now for me it feels like a chore. I don’t really watch any videos I’m subscribed to unless I’m in the mood which sucks because I do follow some awesome people and then there was that whole thing with Logan Paul kind of made me think twice about how I want to do things and having the ability to do it through my website is probably a lot better for me. We will see how it goes.
I’m going to give myself a three-month go at this see where it takes me. Not sure when the first video will be on-line but it will be soon ( I promise )
There’s no excuse is there really? The past few weeks I’ve been feeling way to much anxiety due to my perfectionist issues that I face once in a while. This is why I’ve re-started this blog AGAIN and I know that I’m totally shit in doing this but I have some ideas of things I want to write and things I want to do with this website.
The thing with me is that I want to be like everyone else. YEAH OK that’s never gonna happen right. I’ve never been like everyone else in my life so why should my blog be any different? Perfectionism is my own true enemy.
Now don’t get me wrong I’ve had issues with this for ages and I have therapy which helped so it’s not like a constant thing but every now and again it will raise it’s head and make me doubt if what I was doing was the right thing, which then in turn sets off my anxiety because I don’t feel like I’m doing the right thing and then I start feeling like shit because of it.
Yes it probably doesn’t make any sense to you my dear reader but it’s the unfortunate way my brain works and yes I hate it at times and this is why I find it hard to blog . Not that I’ve ever given myself a true chance to blog. I’ll be honest here one of the things I do when I’m in this mood is procrastinate like a mofo. I avoid things by doing other things and telling myself that I’ll do it tomorrow *insert sarcastic eye roll here”
So now I’m here again something new and honest.
I’m also gonna try post my photos on here. I need to do more creative stuff I feel like I’ve lost my flow on that.
We will see how this goes right?