I think one of the things that the covid pandemic has made me think about is that I need more reliable friendships in my life it’s been a year and a half since this started and not one person has texted me to ask how I am and before you say it I am always the one having to texts others and I just want people to think of me first instead of being an afterthought and I feel a bit sad about it but I’ll be honest a lot of my friends are people whbo I met through my mental health journey so I understand how things go but I honestly feel like it’s time to move on and it is hard.
I am definitely a people pleaser and I feel that I say yes to a lot of things because I was alone a lot as a teenager when I first got ill with depression and anxiety and yes being alone is scary but it’s too easy to just settle with what you got than to go out there and be the best you can be and I know I’ve got a lot to give somehow and as much as I love my friends I deserve better than what I allow myself to be and saying no is a good thing, not a bad thing.
I would like to add that I’m not writing this for sympathy my life has been a very complicated string of mental health crap since I was first diagnosed at the age of 15 and many chapters have been written and closed so maybe this is the end of this one to some extent.
I love all of my friends always will but maybe it’s time to put myself first?
and yes even writing this I’m kind of not convincing myself. it’s easy to say this stuff but it’s how I feel and I’m not going to sugarcoat my feelings which I’ve learnt to do so well.
In Other News…….
I’m going of setting up a shop in another domain I’ve got and start selling the artwork that I’ve been doing and other things I’m going to try and make.
I was thinking about this the other night and I realised that I’m way too sentimental over my artwork. Especially my original artwork and I have sold one painting once. It’s artwork people should enjoy it as much as I enjoy making it. I know once I’ve started selling things that maybe I’ll feel less anxious about these things
Also still going to the gym. Decided to do more weights than cardio although will still do both but I really need to burn the fat more and I think it’s time!
But till the next time!