I was bullied as a kid up until at 15 I had a major breakdown and had to leave school. I was overweight and still am to some extent but over the years I’ve learnt that I love who I am and if people don’t appreciate me for who I am over how I look (which some would say is weird) but I think at nearly 40 I’ve really started to not give a damn anymore.
This started when I started buying clothing from ASOS now I know people will frown at that but when you are fat and live in the UK you don’t have many places to buy clothes let alone “alternative styles” plus for a £10 a year you can get free next day delivery but that’s not the point. Finding a website like ASOS you find different new brands that do curve ranges (YES curve not plus size I hate them words) and I have to say my favourite is New girl Order like I’m obsessed with them and as much as this sounds like an advert it isn’t things like this just make me very happy. (You can also buy direct from their website). I like the oversized style of their tops and their designs. it’s nice to wear clothes that are just different but with a rather cool ethos as well.
I grew up having to wear things that your 50-year-old mother would wear flowery puke shit. I’m not a girly girl. I’ve always been a tomboy and I hate wearing dresses as even though I’m 5ft 9 (1.75 meters) I have a long body and short legs so the waistlines on dresses are often not at the right places on my body and it makes me feel uncomfortable so yeah I kinda live in jeans, jeggings and over this period with COVID 19 I’ve just been wearing sweat pants.
I even bought these earings off Aliexpress and I love them lol I’ve got the ones with black lines on their eyes as well and yes I’ll wear them. I love Aliexpress for finding weird and gross stuff and I know people will say to me that I’m nearly 40 but so what. I am an adult yes but does that mean I have to stop being myself? I’ve been dying my hair funky colours for the past 20 years. I have piercings but no tattoos (YET) and yes I’m really starting to enjoy who I am. I’m fat but I’m hoping to get back to the gym and NO I’m not wanting to lose weight to fit into what society thinks I should be but because I like being fit and yes you can be fit without being skinny but that’s my opinion for maybe another post
I know this post seems weird but I’ve had an odd day. I was really grumpy for most of the day. I think it didn’t help with yesterday was filled with anxiety these things never help. But then I realised how good my life is at the moment. It’s very easy for me to become negative for daft reasons and it’s been hard for me to really love myself and I know people say this but I would agree learning to appreciate yourself is a lot healthy than constantly hating yourself and believe me I used to call myself hideous. I’m nearly 40 and growing older has helped but denying yourself to be yourself is damaging your mental health and I get people want to look like Kim Kardashian (who doesn’t even look like her) and all these influencer clones but believe me learning that being you as yourself is good it can lift a lot off your shoulders. Yes, it’s easy for me to say it now but honestly, it took a long time for me to figure it out.
Just don’t leave it to long to figure it out for yourselves. Being true to yourself is best!
But till the next time!