Getting older 😧

I was officially 38 years old yesterday! Yes, 2 years off the big 4 0 and I’m actually looking forward to it all if I’m honest.

I get that people may be amazed at this but getting diagnosed at the age of 15 with depression and anxiety it was actually hard to enjoy birthdays and new years as it felt nothing was changing and I was stuck in a cycle of nothing happening but 23 years later I feel like the cycle is breaking.

It started a few years ago. I was aware that I was unfit and overweight (I piled on a load of weight due to my mental health illnesses)and I was heading towards my 40s so I decided to get fit and I’m so glad I took that plunge. I’ve been doing exercise classes for a while now and yeah I’m slowly losing weight (I don’t do fad diets although I’ve cut down n my meat consumption a lot ) and my stamina is the best it’s been in years. I’m not doing this to please others or fit into society I just feel mentally better for it.

I’m feeling kinda more confident in myself as well and I find that kinda strange and it’s not to say my social anxiety doesn’t kick in from time to time but I feel less bothered about stupid stuff and I’ve learned that being myself is more important than being what others see as “normal”. No, it didn’t take me 38 years to figure that out I’ve always been weird but I think I feel more content with it and I honestly can’t wait to have blonde hair again (I dyed it a box colour red which is hard to bleach out so currently growing out my hair a bit as don’t want to over bleach it).

I just want the next couple of years to be more successful as well. I’m hoping to try to sell off some of my old paintings. I have so much anxiety over doing that but it needs to be done or things will get thrown out. Only so many canvases you can hoard and yes I need to learn to just let go!

Anyway here’s to the next year. Whatever happens, let’s hope it’s awesome!

βœŒπŸ€˜πŸ’–

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